Don't Count On Me

There are lyrics from a punk rock song. I'm not one of those chicks who identifies with music often, and the rest of the songs totally irrelevant (awesome though). These are the lyrics that stuck with me.


Don't count on me, to let you know when
Don't count on me, I'll do it again
Don't count on me, cause I'm not listening
Don't count on me, that's the point your missing




I love Sum 41, but those words have been playing through my head for hours.I think the truth is that's how I feel about most relationships. It's why I can't make dating last more than three months. From the time I meet a guy, to the day I tell him I can't do this any more it's like someone hits a 12 week timer. Because it takes 12 weeks for them to decide they care then I run.And I'm scared. s(Ex) is starting to count on me. He's starting to tell me what he's thinking about. Even though he says "I don't want to get back together" (over and over) I'm starting to think he's trying to sell the idea to himself. At first I'm sure it was true. He saw no way forward. He wanted a commitment - marriage and babies. Both within a couple of years. 

This would have been us...

Now, no judgement to all you married folk, but it's not really my thing. I'm not exactly a white dress and church kind of girl. All that pressure is sure to set me on the path of wanting to run/cheat/bail. I would happily have spent a long time with him, but I didn't want to be Mrs. I don't even want the diamond ring. And I sure as fuck don't want a new last name. 9 weeks in he started asking me if I was ready to get married soon. When I told him I couldn't guarantee a point in my life where I would be that girl.He broke down,he pleaded with me to just try and think about it. I told him we could discuss it further down the track. But, for all I tried, I couldn't sway him into leaving the subject alone. He didn't want to be with a woman who wouldn't be Mrs (s)Ex. His loss.Tonight, I'm going to see him. We're still going to hook up. But I'm obviously going to have to listen to him less, because if I keep being nice to him I'm going to end up like that girl in the picture above. 


All I really want is dirty kinky sex, my ass spanked and my wrists tied. It's so fucking hard to find a guy who wants to get naughty these days.I've got this persistent fantasy at the moment. Every day when I curl up with my vibrator, I indulge in this beautiful fantasy. I look beautiful - hair done, make up done. Heels and stockings, tied and beautiful. I look picture perfect. And for hour after hour after hour, a man uses every part of me to please himself. By the end, I'm exhausted and sore and red where the ropes have dug in. But still, ready to please.I just can't seem to find a man who wants to tie me down and use me. You'd think it'd be easy, right?Tonight I'll just have to get my own fantasy going a little bit. Suspenders, high heels, black lace panties... might help...