Overreaction?

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Naked Massages

Last night I had a function to go to, it went ok, nothing too exciting. I left a little earlier than the end, and drove myself over to (s)Ex's house.


I wasn't really in the mood for an all out romp, but occasionally even yours truly needs a curl up, back rub, quiet drink and some kissing.


Exactly what I got. I turned up, all heels and tight tops and quickly stripped down to just my cheetah print lace g string. He loves me in Victorias Secret. I stretched out on the couch, curled my head up in his lap and sipped my Canadian Club. 


We gossiped a little, and he ran his hands over my skin, massaging, caressing, kissing, rubbing my breasts, shoulders, neck, back, legs for hours. 


I kissed him back, enjoying the sensation of his skin pressed against mine. His lips on my ear was perfection. Just the attention I'd been waiting for.


After six hours of long slow foreplay we were both worked up, and I'd been rubbing him through his boxer shorts for a while.


I always like leaving him frustrated and turned on occasionally - it means when I see him next he's all pumped up to fuck me hard all night.


By four am, I'd been there for six hours. The Canadian Clubs, the massage, the warm heater were starting to kick in. He tried to bend my will to stay the night. I didn't want to. I wanted to come home.


While we'd been curled up on the couch, touching sensually, I'd been pausing occasionally to message Punk.


Punk is still away. He's a two and a half weeks away from coming home. I'm actually missing him a little. I didn't think I would. Turns out I was mistaken. Punk and I have reached an understanding of sorts. He likes me, I like him. That's the understanding. Both of us are too emotionally dysfunctional to actually say much more.


Truth be told, I want to love Punk. I hate him, I love him. I want to pull him close and push him away. 


I never know what I want, but I know for the last ten years he's been in and out of my life. This time, I'd prefer if he stayed. I can't make him though. I can't stop him from walking away. All I can do is wait and see.


I'm not lonely in the traditional sense. I don't want someone here every night. I don't want to move in with a man. I don't want someone to watch TV with and talk shit with every day. That would be more than I could do.


If I could choose, I'd choose someone who was close enough, understood me, respected me, who could lead their own separate life. I guess I like being alone, but perhaps a little less alone-ness would be nice?


I'm sure both of them would object to being in the position their in right now - Punk away, texting me, talking about his feelings, while I'm curled up naked with (s)Ex. I'm sure that they'd both be odd about it. At the end of the day though, I don't know really what those two get up to... maybe they're the same? 


I wouldn't care about (s)Ex. He can do whatever he wants, it doesn't phase me much. Punk though.... I dunno... I might care...

"I Love Your Pretty Lips Around My Cock"

"I love your pretty lips around my cock" he whispered. I love MarriedGuy. 

Technically he's not married (yet). Him and his fiance are walking down the aisle soon. I'm going to the wedding. I'm even participating in their wedding. I know. Lecture away. 

His wife to be is a frigid bitch. Actually, she's really nice. But she hates sex, hates sucking his cock, hates giving him handjobs. I think she just fucking hates cock. I'm not sure that she's actually gay, I think she's probably closer to asexual.

I however love his cock. It's a good size (not so big that it makes head difficult, but big enough that when he pushes me down a little I gag).

Tonight we were chatting away happily. She's at home with the baby. I walked him out to the car to say goodbye. I leaned against him hugging him close. "I miss you" I said. It was true; I do miss him. I miss that we used to see each other twice a week. Now we catch up once a month. Usually with his fiance there too. It's still fun, we're still super close. Just not like it was...

He leaned in and rested his chin on my shoulder. "I know, I miss you too" he whispered in my ear. His lips brushed my earlobe. We stood hugging, me leaning into his body. He smelt like a perfect cologne. It suits him.  He asked how I was. I told him that Punk was gone. That I was weighing up seeing him again (also true). That I wasn't sure how I felt about Punk (once again true). I told him (most of) the details of what happened with Punk. That he was gone for another month.

"You'll figure it out" he said, then kissed me gently on the lips. I leaned back and smiled. He pulled me in again and kissed me harder. I reached down and rubbed his cock through his pants. I felt that it was already hard pressed against his tight black jeans. 

He reached into his pocket a moment later, clicked the button for his locking system, and swung me around so my back was against the body of the car, opening the back door with his other hand. "Get in" he whispered, spinning me around again so my ass was pressed against his body. I climbed in and scooted across to the far seat. He climbed in next to me.

He kissed my neck and ear, rubbed my breasts. He kissed me softly. I rubbed his chest. He told me how alone he felt. I sighed. I was feeling hooked on Punk and the things he'd done to me. I needed a break from how I felt. 


I kissed his neck, I kissed his chest. I unzipped his pants, pulling his cock free. It's a good cock. I've never actually fucked him. Just oral. I wasn't up for oral that night, so I just made myself comfortable, rubbing his cock over my lips.


While I caressed him gently with my lips, he stroked my breasts and ass, varying his hands between the two. Occasionally pausing at my hair. He ran his fingertips down my spine. Just to make me shiver. I love that feeling. That little rush of endorphins. That shiver of glee. Knowing in a few moments I'd be working his cock up and down with my lips and both hands.

He was excited before I got all of him in my mouth. I knew it had been too long. He softly stroked my hair. He rubbed my back and leaned back and enjoyed it. I worked his cock comfortably. I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew how he liked it. Slow at first, building speed, friction, intensity. He reached climax fast. He tapped my neck softly with two fingers, telling me he was about to come. I pushed down, so his cock was deep in the back of my throat and he came hard straight away. And that was when he said it. Before I even had his cock out of my mouth


"I love your pretty lips around my cock"


I curled up. Rested my head on his chest. We rested in the silence of the moment. 


I told him how I was feeling about life, about how Punk had kinda messed with my juju a little lately. He told me how it was to be a dad, and how it was to nearly be married. I promised to help with wedding decorations. His future wife would be thrilled. He promised to visit me more. I was thrilled. He kissed my hair softly.


I told him how I felt about Punk. How did I feel then? Last night is a very long time ago. I felt like... like we'd ripped each others hearts out so many fucking times it wasn't ever going to work out. Like it was impossible for either of us to take a step forward towards communicating honestly. Like I was hung up on hating him all the while wishing he'd want more.


Like part of me wanted to feel something for him. Part of me wondered if I could feel something for him. All that unfulfilled promise. 


MarriedGuy told me so many sweet things. How I'm exceptional, but too manly for most guys to handle. How I needed to get past my issues with Punk because - like it or not - there was too much history. If I was that bothered about letting it go, make a move. How if I was so uncertain maybe there was a sign in that.


Music played. The volume increasing. I was lying on the vibrations. I pulled MarriedGuys phone from his pants, handing it to him. His future wifes smiling face on the screen. "Hi honey... no it's ok, I'm at SSB's house... I'll grab tea on the way home... Tell baby I love him... ok honey.... I love you too..."


He kissed me softly after he hung up from her phone call. I knew he only had another 10 minutes to spare. He pulled his pants up. I think the phone call had him feeling a little uncomfortable.


We cuddled in peace, then said goodbye a few minutes later. "You'll be right, you're the toughest bitch I know" he said. I laughed. I'm only short and I'm not exactly muscular, but we weren't talking about physically.


My phone was vibrating on the counter when I got inside. 


PUNK: 6 NEW MESSAGES
(s)Ex: 1 NEW MESSAGE
LONG: 1 NEW MESSAGE
RED: 2 NEW MESSAGES


Anyone would think I'd been in the car a week.


I started at the bottom. Red's back in town, volunteered to do me a favour while he's here. I texted back yes. He told me how happy he is with his new girlfriend too. I told him I'm happy for him. Secretly? I'm counting the minutes until he cheats on her.


Long is on holidays. Just wanted to see how I'm getting on. Fine I say. Hangs when he gets home? Yes. We're in a friends-only place now.


(s)Ex asking me questions about Game of Thrones. Yes, we'll catch up next week. I don't think sex is on the cards though after a minor freakout and calling me his (other) ex-girlfriends name in a drunk panic.


Now to Punk... he's at the pub, he misses me, he wants to hook up when he gets back to town, he sends me a photo of his beer, reminds me that I can still drink him under the table. I text back a single message about him being a boozy floozy, tell him to call me when he's done at the pub.


He obliges. We chatter. He cracks a harsh joke about how I declined a date with him this week. Strictly speaking it was a misunderstanding. He complained that he had no one to go and have tea and play pool with, I said I'd go with him, he said pool was a cool date, I wrote back lol yeah i guess so, he cracked a joke about me asking him on a date, I told him to go fuck himself. 


I bit. "I didn't decline a date, you didn't fucking ask me on one" I snapped.
"Well...umm"
He freezes.


Silence.


Awkwardness.


I'm feeling irritated "What did you expect me to say in that instant? If you LIKED me like that then you'd ask. There's no point in asking"
"Oh because you know me so well" he snaps back
"Well, how DO you feel" I snipe


Silence.


"I like you" he whispers
"Great. I like you too. I'm glad we've established friendship."
"You're being a cunt. I actually want to try. And you know it"


Silence


"What?" I ask confused.
"I like you, I want to try this time and be with you. I want to make it work. We always fuck it up. This time, I want to try. I've always loved you. I still do. We don't always have to be a trainwreck. I know there are some things to figure out, things to talk about, but I want you. Good parts and bad parts. I just want you."


Silence.


"You can't just..." I start
"I can just. I want you. I want to know if you feel the same?"
"Ask me tomorrow morning when you've not been drinking." I stammer out. I'm buying myself time.
"Deal, Miss. Talk to you then."


He hangs up.


I sit. I obsess. I worry.


I think...


I worry.


Yes. I'll try. No. I won't. Yes... No...


I barely sleep.


BEEP BEEP. 5.20AM my phone calls for attention. The screen lights up.


PUNK: 1 NEW MESSAGE
"Sorry for calling you last night. I remember that we talked, but I have no idea about what. Sorry. Talk later."


Talk later means not today.


So here I am. 


Your still-single SSB. The magic charm for keeping away commitment. 

Solo Fun

So it's been a while between posts. 


Truthfully, I've been keeping to myself.


All the fun I had a week ago with Punk is still fresh in my mind.


I'm a little too distracted by some other areas of my life to bother hunting. The offers I've had are... lacking in some quality.


Instead of hunting and finding my thrills in others arms, I've luxuriously enjoyed a week of solo fun.


Stretched out... relaxed on my bed. Sometimes alone, sometimes with my laptop to keep me company.


Sometimes my imagination has pushed me so far over the edge as I work my clit with my vibrator. 
Sometimes watching a guy fuck a girl so hard she can barely breathe pushes me past my limits.


My imagination has been running riot. 


I've been having beautiful sexy chats with Punk and a few other guys. I love sexting. There is nothing hotter than someone writing the words "I want to shove my cock so far inside you, you'll gasp. You'd scream if you didn't have my hand around your throat." 


Whenever I open a message like that, my heart skips a beat and I can barely concentrate on anything else.


I've been talking to Pup, (see the guy who I spent a Thursday with a while ago). He thinks we should catch up. The message he sent me today:
"It's been far far too long since I have had a hot pussy ass and mouth like yours to use. Promise them to me soon?"
Who could say no to a request like that?


I know what he'll want. He'll want to drag me far further past my limits. 


He'll insist on coming once on my face/in my mouth, once in my ass and once in my cunt. I know him. I've known him so long. I know he won't be happy until I'm a little more used than last time. Until my ass is spanked a little redder than last time.


He always escalates. 


Last time I was on my knees lapping water out of a bowl with a collar tight around my throat. I'm sure he'll think of a new way to degrade me or humiliate me.


I know him better than he knows himself sometimes.


He's always nervous he'll hurt me. He always wants to make sure it's ok. I do like that part about him. He always cares that I had fun, that it's ok afterwards. And he'll call me the next day. Not to be possessive, just to make sure that I had as much fun as he did.


Who wouldn't love a guy like that? A guy who'll shove their cock in your ass then blow on your face and still call you the next day?


What a guy ;) 


Looking forward to seeing Pup soon. I just need some new ideas to help him escalate. Sometimes he needs a hand with that...

Next Time...

So, remember I said Punk was gone for a month? I said that at about 1am on Tuesday morning.


A lot can change pretty fast.


He's still gone for the month, but him leaving was delayed until Thursday morning.


So I spent Tuesday helping him out, having a chat clearing things up between us. Just friends, no more weird. Deal?


Sure. Until that evening I had a mini-drama (unexciting, other than my car is a fucking asshole), so I drove down to his place, and him and his roommate took a look at it.


Bless One and Punk. They fixed my thing right up.


Which turned into video games...
Which turned into a few drinks...


Which turned into me sitting on his bathroom counter talking shit while he had a shower. 


He got out, and I climbed off, stripped of my little black dress and bra, ran a sink full of piping hot water and wet his face and razor. He stood between my legs, only my tiny little yellow g string (Victorias Secret, thank you) between us. I lathered his face, and pressed the razor against his skin.


I slowly dragged the razor up his neck towards his chin, then down over his cheeks, turning his face with my fingers. Rinsing the razor, then sliding it back over his skin again.


I took my time, enjoying the task. Pausing occasionally to guide his lips to mine so I could kiss him. 


I carefully left his sideburns, working carefully to get them perfectly even.


I ran my lips over his freshly shaved skin. Perfection.


I climbed off the counter, and slipped my panties off, turning the warm water of the shower on once more. I pulled him in with me, and we kissed in the shower, him running his hands over my wet breasts and ass.


He leaned me forward and I grabbed hold of the top of the shower glass screen, spreading my legs, allowing him to run his hands down my back, over my ass. 


He pressed the head of his cock hard against my pussy, and pressed inside me. My legs shook a little, I was very tight and it took a minute or two for him to be able to work himself inside me. With me holding on, he grabbed each ass cheek and spread them a little. so he could watch himself sliding in and out of my wet pussy, water cascading down over my back.


I turned around and pressed him against the wall of the shower, kissing his neck hard. I slid my hand down through his chest hair and started massaging his cock. It was rock hard so I kneeled down and started to blow him in the shower. He was in ecstasy. I could hear him moaning as I massaged his cock head with my tongue. 


He pushed on the back of my head and I felt that pressure on my throat and I swallowed, causing him to go deep into my throat. We paused there for a moment, with him in my throat, my nose pressed hard against his abdomen. He stroked my wet hair. He pulled his cock out of my throat and pushed me up against the wall. He picked my right knee up, and lifted it a little. He suddenly realised how flexible I am and grinned cheekily. He lifted it up, over his shoulder. 


He pushed his cock inside me, and pulled his arm around my shoulders, and kissed me gently. Sliding in and out gently, I came hard, the water dripping over both of us, him kissing me, his hand firm on my thigh. Just like the picture. The picture is so accurate, it could actually have been a photo of us. Punks a little tanker, and a little more tattooed and my tits are a little bigger, but position? Identical.


We flirted, flicked water, kissed and touched for a while in the shower, then we got out, dried off and went to bed.


When we got to bed, he ran his hands over my tits and down my body, sliding two fingers inside my wet wet pussy. I could barely wait. He told me not to touch him, and just massaged my g spot, pressing firmly and sliding in and out. I came twice pretty quickly. He went down on me after that, letting me come again and again and again. After a while and about a dozen orgasms, I swayed him into coming up and kissing me. I flipped him onto his back and went down on him, sucking his cock. I worked up and down, teasing and tantalising, slow then fast, using my hand to push him close then backing off. He loved every moment...


He was rock hard and asked me if I wanted to climb on. 
What girl could say no to that offer?


So I climbed on top of him and I fucked him so hard. He squeezed my tits as I rubbed my clit with one hand, squeezing his chest and shoulders with the other. I screamed his name as I came for the fifth or sixth time riding on top of him.

I was shaking and panting, and I climbed off, laying on my side with my leg around him, him facing me. I stroked him gently with my hand. It wasn't long before he pushed me onto my back, with my legs up over his shoulder. I was dripping wet.


He lifted my ass a little, allowing his cock to sit between my ass and pussy, he grabbed it and slid it from my pussy to my ass. "Where do you think I should put it?" he asked, staring into my eyes. 


It was all a play, we both knew he wanted to be deep in my ass.


I told him he could choose, so he gently slipped inside my pussy, licked his fingers and started playing with my ass. I started to come, and just before I hit that perfect mid orgasm, he pulled out and pushed his cock into my asshole. He was gentle and firm at the same time, sliding in half way then working the other half slowly. He chuckled a little at me coming twice while he tried to get all the way inside my ass.


He leaned forward, my legs over his shoulders, and kissed me passionately and deeply. "I hope you don't fuck like this on first dates, Miss" he said. I laughed, "Took you nearly ten years to have me this way, what makes you think I hand it out?" he smiled. Rested his forehead against mine and kissed my lips. "At least this way I can pretend you're all mine."


He worked slowly and firmly, fucking my ass. One hand under each ass cheek, he leaned back and allowed himself to go a little harder.


Once I got completely comfortable, he pulled out and pushed me up against his headboard, my elbows on top, my tits pressed against it, my knees spread and back a little so my ass poked out. He pushed himself deep in my ass and grabbed my shoulders. I held on tight to the headboard, and he fucked me hard in the ass. He pumped in and out, holding me by the throat, shoulders, hair and hips.


I was starting to shake, my pussy so wet my thighs were drenched. He lay me on my side, facing away from him and slipped back in my ass again. He worked slowly, his arm between my breasts, hand gently on my throat.


I lay next to him, shaking and wet, relaxing a little at last. Exhaustion of such a hard fuck setting in. 


He kissed my shoulder "Good night Miss" he said.


I protested... what about his orgasm? 


He laughed. Next time.


I eased into his arms. His firm grip told me he'd made up his mind. He silenced my protests with his finger pressed against my lips, kissing me softly on the neck, his rock hard cock still deep inside my ass.

Inspiration

I'm lacking inspiration. Perhaps a little desire.


My encounter with Punk last week has left my mind distracted. Other pursuits have held less interest... He leaves again shortly. A month he'll be gone. A month to clear my head.


I've been dating. I have my fourth date with NewBoy this week. I haven't asked him if he's seeing other people or anything - I can't say it bothers me. 

Since a couple of weeks ago, I've stopped fucking (s)Ex. After his little boozy freakout, I'm not sure how I feel. Never a good move to call your newest ex-girlfriend by your old ex-girlfriends name while screaming at her for not wanting to be with you. It just got awful. It was the most passion we'd ever really had though.


I'm seeing (s)Ex this week though. Game of Thrones and dinner. Perhaps I'll blow him or fuck him if the mood strikes, though after playing nasty with Punk, I can't say I'm over-enthused about the plan. The gentle respectful sex of being with (s)Ex makes things feel different because I know he's only like that because he's repressed. Some part of him would love to let loose.

...to fuck you up

Red has been on vacation, out of the state. He'll be back soon. Lately he's been talking about feelings and love and shit about some girl. It'll pass, but for now he's pretending he's a nice guy instead of the cheating lying bastard we all know and love. Hope he's got her well fooled, else it won't last.


Spike also is making noises about the girl he's been fucking and being in love. His too will pass and will be back in my bed with in the next few months. 


Sometimes they need to detour back through the misery and heartache that is pretending to love someone before they remember what empty people we are sometimes. They're both physically incapable of loving a girl, of being with her without cheating.


Oddly, Spikes girlfriend and Reds girlfriend have the same name. My name too. Heh. At least calling out the wrong name in bed won't be a problem for them I suppose.


I don't know what I want any more. Awkward dates? Rough sex every six weeks? Weekly to fortnightly rolls in the hay with an ex who I'll never love? 


All this stuff seems to wash over me, lacking in inspiration. Lacking in joy.


Perhaps I should just spend more time at home with my favourite new toy (thank you to Swan Vibrators, your Swan Princess model and I are becoming very well acquainted since we met last week).


I haven't slept with NewBoy. This Saturday is a good friends birthday party, and she told me to bring NewBoy. That'll make our first night time date, and date number five. Five dates sounds like a lot. We haven't had tea together yet, we have only had lunch around the corner from his work. I get the idea that he likes me well enough, but I think his divorce is problematic.

I hope with Punk back on his flight to the middle of nowhere, the overwhelming desire to let him hurt me and fuck me and try to break me will subside, letting me refocus and actually get to know NewBoy. This wander down memory lane with Punk has felt like a little bit of a struggle. Like we're stuck in stalemate. The relationship is like lust with pauses of hatred. Ugliness.


I think I just need a new thrill... and perhaps if I felt like I was actually chasing NewBoy I'd be getting that thrill feeling. Even though he's sexy and charming and polite, I don't get that overwhelming desire to fuck him and kiss him and bite his neck, and I don't feel like he wants to throw me against a wall and rip my clothes off. (s)Ex does that. 


Can't a girl just have everything in one man, instead of needing four?

Six

Last night...


Well I saw Punk last night. It started easily, a few drinks and gentle kisses on the couch. Then after a while he grabbed me by the back of the hair and marched me to the bedroom.


Things get a little dizzy and hazy on the order, but I'll do my best to remember them in order. I came so many times that it's all a little hazy.


He got me into the bedroom and threw me onto my knees. Hard. My knees are bruising up already. I hit the floor, my minidress flicked up, exposing my ass, covered with just a little pink lace g-string. I looked over my shoulder, as he brought his hand down on my ass. Hard.


Over and over. He slapped my ass cheeks. I cried out in pain. It hurt so wonderfully. My ass was red and raw. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me around on my knees and unzipped his pants with my face held against the crotch of his pants.


Pulling his cock out, he dragged my lips over it. I fondled his balls and sucked his cock hard. He was rough, dragging my head up and down. He forced his cock into my throat until I gagged hard.


He dragged me up onto the bed and bent me over. I was on my hands and knees, and he pulled my panties down to my knees. He shoved his tongue hard into my ass. He was rough, then he shoved two of his fingers in my pussy hard. 


He forced his fingers into my ass a moment later. My body shook with orgasms, I was dizzy and tipsy. I was orgasming endlessly.


The exact order of events gets more hazy after several orgasms, but he spent hours exploring my body, shoving his cock in my ass, my pussy, down my throat. 


He slapped me in the face, made me beg for his cock with a fist full of my hair, my juices dripping from him, holding my lips just near the end of his cock.


He pinned my ankles to the bed, with my knees resting firmly against my shoulders and licked my pussy and ass, then shoved his cock in my ass then my pussy then back to my ass.

He lifted me up, pushing my back against the wall, dropping me down on his cock over and over and over.


He pulled me to the end of the bed, bent me over it, fucking me hard in the ass, fingering my pussy, stopping just before I came. 


He put his hand over my mouth, and one around my throat so I couldn't breathe, and fucked me until I passed out. Four times. Over and over and over.


My breathing was desperate, ragged, intense. He bit my shoulder to bring me back, his cock still deep in my ass.


He threw me on my knees and jerked his cock hard, brushing the tip against my face. He shoved his cock hard down my throat, making me gag. He ordered me to look up at him. I did as he came hard down my throat, his hands digging into the back of my neck.

He loved listening to me gag on his cock, so he lay me on my back, slapped my face, slapped my tits, shoved his balls into my mouth, he hung my head over the edge of the bed and shoved his cock down my throat hard. He fucked my mouth so roughly and when he wanted to feel it, hear me gag, he wrapped his hands tightly around my throat making it so hard to breathe. 


It didn't take long, he was back fucking me, my pussy and my ass.


He shoved his cock in my pussy and fucked me, my legs over his shoulders, me coming constantly. He held me by the throat and made me look into his eyes, as he forced his cock back into my ass.


The second orgasm came faster, and he came deep in my ass.


I got up, while he closed his eyes for a moment and packed my things together. I thought he was asleep, and I started hunting for my little tiny dress. 


"Looking for this?" he held up my dress.
I went to snatch it. He pulled me across his lap, and spanked my ass over and over and over. He shoved his fingers into my pussy. 
"I told you I wanted to wake up next to you"


He started to roughly finger fuck my pussy. As I was about to come, he pulled them out, made me lick them, then shoved them back in my ass.


He fingerfucked my ass for a while, when he was done, he pulled his fingers out, and dragged me onto the bed and held me tight. He was exhausted. It was well and truly late into the night, and he'd been fairly athletic with me. We'd been at it for nearly 8 hours. He'd had me bent over, up against the wall, on my knees, he'd shoved his cock roughly everywhere he could, spanked me, slapped me, back handed me, forced me to masturbate in front of him until I came while calling me every name he could think of. He was exhausted.


I didn't sleep, I curled up silently. His tight grip around my wrist and the fact the front door was keylocked made me sure there was no easy way out.


I waited calmly.


The next morning he awoke, we dressed and went for a drive for coffee.


I wanted to go home, but I didn't want to upset him.


We came back and went through the door. He was a 'gentleman' and let me go first. He caught me on the way through in a headlock and dragged me to the kitchen counter.


He bent me over it, bit my shoulder through my dress, pulling my clean black lace panties aside. He tried to shove his cock straight into my pussy, but even though I was wet, I was far too tight.


He dragged my right knee up and put it on the counter, lifting my hips slightly so I couldn't touch the floor with the toes on my left foot. He leaned down and spat on my pussy lips, using the head of his cock to spread them around, slapped me and shoved his  fingers in my mouth. He pressed his cock into my pussy forcing it past the threshold. It hurt a little, feeling tight and abused from the night before. 


He grabbed a fistful of my hair and dragged my head back and fucked me as hard as he could. My hips ground against the counter. He came in my pussy this time. As he finished he stroked my hair, smoothing down the mess he'd made.


I was ready to leave, my make up was tidy enough and a quick smooth of my hair. He walked me to my car, pussy still dripping with his come.


I was exhausted. Fucked hard. Worn to the absolute limit.


He kissed me goodbye with his hand around my throat.


He promised me we'd play a game, I mentioned it before, "How many fingers can Punk fit in SSB?" 


Six. Three in my pussy with three in my ass. It was tight as hell and it hurt. But six. He's determined to fit more next time.


xxSSB

Garbage

A week ago, I felt like you might actually have outgrown me. I felt like you were dragging me in and like this time I might get hurt. Like this time you might have the power to break me.

I was wrong.


You want to.


But you can't.


You told me that this time tomorrow I'd beg for mercy. That this time tomorrow, I'd be exhausted and used.


You told me this time tomorrow, you wouldn't care if it hurt.


Is it because of all those times I lied to your face?
Or slept with your friends?
Or dated someone that wasn't you?
Or those times I forgot your birthday? I still don't know when it is, honey.


The thing you don't know about tomorrow is that I want to feel a firm touch. Even though I'm just playing dress ups with you, you pretending to own me for one night will carry me through. Satisfy my kink.


Truth is, you're still mine babe. Always have been. 


You take one look at my big green eyes, and I can see it on your face. You're still mine.


And at the end of a night, after you fuck me, put your hands around my throat, slap my ass and call me names, you'll love me that little bit more. I'll love you that little bit less.


Don't you understand the game yet?


The more you give, the less I want.


Sad part is, I think you want me on my knees, your cock in my mouth, hoping I'll gag, just so you'll feel like for one moment in ten years I'm yours. 


Every text message you send me softens just a little more than the last. 


You're right, I will look beautiful, looking up at you, your fingers inside me. I know you'll want to keep them there forever.


Remember all those nights, Punk? The ones I left before you woke? Lets be truthful, even if my bodies there in the morning, I won't be.


You can't keep me.


And I'm only happy with you when I think you're over me. I know it's cruel. But when I think you don't love me any more, I love to suck you back in a little, see if I've still got the power.


I do.


So tomorrow night, Punk, take your best shot. 

Day dreams

I'm too tired to go out tonight, but I'm desperately frustrated. I broke another vibrator last week. This frustration is giving me time to think. 


Stuck at home with no orgasms, just total frustration.


I'm preoccupied by some D/s fantasies that have been swirling through my head lately. I'm starting to feel like a junky who needs a fix.


As much fun as I've had with (s)Ex, I'm desperate for something more. To give it analogy, I've been drinking low alcohol Moscato wine. I'm craving something more like an overproofed rum. Something that is dark and strong and hot. That burns a little.

Something that will hurt for days.


I'm craving the feeling of restriction and the absence of control.


I crave surrender.


It's a feeling I can only mimic by myself. I can't have it altogether.


I can only pretend.


There's a part of this that's making me nervous and anxious.


Part of me never wants to play this game with anyone again.


Part of me knows I'll never be happy until I do.